Trail and error on the Anti Candida diet, I have recently found, is pretty much a constant trait. I trailed coming off my supplements and introducing new foods in to my diet. I wrote the dates down in my diary, a new phase of the treatment, something to really look forward too. I stopped taking my pills on the Saturday and that same day ate half an apple in the morning, the other half that afternoon. I felt great. I was so happy that this was the start of the next step. The same apple routine the next day and by 5pm that evening I still felt pretty good. The end was in sight; there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
The evening of the third day however I wasn’t feeling as snappy as the previous days, I bit run down and foggy, but I put it down to the weather changes as Fall moves into Winter. So the next day I tried eating berries too. As I ate my handful that afternoon the sweet taste of them was too much for me, I didn’t enjoy them at all. My body was saying no.
I didn’t eat fruit at all the next day, I couldn’t face it and I knew I was teetering on the edge of feeling exactly like I did months earlier. My stomach started to bloat, my head started to ache and the tell tale sign of an awful, almost metallic taste in my mouth was back. The next day I hit the reserves of my supplements. I was back here again. Crestfallen, emotional and feeling once again like rubbish I had thought the battle was over only to have stepped on false territory and be ambushed by the enemy.
I have now decided to stay back on the supplements for the next month, then I will try this move again. Right now though I do feel like I have taken a step back in my progress and the thoughts of being able to eat ‘normally’ again come Christmas are slowly slipping out of my reach.
It’s was thought of this Christmas normality that was making me so determined. In my yoga class on Sunday my teacher talked about not having a preserved end goal, to not come to the class determined to nail a move or to feel a certain way after class. ‘Something’s’ she said “just happen”, we shouldn’t force them.
For the past 3 months I have had an end goal, I fly back to be with my family for two weeks at Christmas. My favorite time of year spent, this year, with all my favorite people, those whom I rarely see. Since moving to Vancouver a year and a half ago I have been back to the UK for all of 7days. It was a precious trip and as I left my parents at the airport ready to board my flight back I knew I would be back here only 3 months later, and with my full health intact.
A foolish thought maybe but one that I very much needed to get me through the weeks. I had planned in when I would have my first sip of champagne. I know that I will rarely be able to ‘go for it’ over the next year or so but at Christmas I just wanted a small glass of red with my Christmas Dinner, a flute of champagne at new year. An end goal.
Maybe I am meant to take this as a much needed reminder that this will be a lifestyle change. Though my will power and hard work has persisted these months, I will need it to work just as hard, if not harder when I can go back to introducing new foods. I guess my body has more for me to learn from this, it wants me to gain more perspective and more strength first.
This morning as I checked my emails I was greeted with one from The Whole Approach. I signed up to their newsletters when I was prescribed this treatment and I have relished the information I am given each week; from recipes to helpful herbal tips. This mornings read made me think about the holiday season and what it means for so many people. Halloween is a big thing in North America and my Halloween this year consisted of pumpkin carving at work dressed as Cruella Deville, so much fun. Lunchtime pizzas were ordered and beers brought in, not as much fun. My colleagues are amazingly supportive and they bought me a special salad and I sipped sparkling water instead. It was so nice of them and I appreciated everything they did for me, yet I felt so left out with my ‘special’ meal and my lack of boozy plans for the evening.
If this was how I felt at Halloween what would the party season at Christmas be like?!
The fantastic feasts, the gatherings over mulled wine and mince pies, the office do’s and, for me, a seasonal Product launch at work (the booziest of them all) I for one am thankful for not having to deal with the American thanks giving on top of this, but what about those who do?!
This check list on how to survive social events really made me think. The first point most of all.
Be succinct and wellness-focused (not illness-focused.)
If you positively describe your treatment, others will regard it in a positive light too. I know for a fact that I don’t go out of my way to discuss the positives, but I do like to tell people of my end goal. Maybe though, I need to have more perspective of this. The power of positive thinking after all.
When emailing back a friend who had asked of my progress, I thought back to this point. I told her of my past weeks troubles but also told her how my hair was healthier than I had ever seen it and my skin apparently is glowing. My boyfriend even told me he thought I was better looking now than on our first date nearly five years ago. Whether he was looking for brownie points or not, comments like this make my day.
Instead of the end goal being Christmas I’ll take one small step at a time this next month and listen to what my body has left to say on this matter.
Something’s, after all, will just happen.
“Que sera sera, What ever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see, Que sera sera” – Ray Evans / Dorris Day